Tuesday, May 25, 2010

10 Things You Should Never Say to a Pregnant Woman

 I actually feel like I've been pretty fortunate so far (karma cap) and people generally have been pretty nice in their comments towards me, but I have received a couple of zingers (all from strangers or loose acquaintances- friends and family have been very nice!) and just for the sake of the other pregnant ladies out there, here's a general PSA about things you should not say to a pregnant woman. No matter how witty or friendly you think you're being. Be a better conversationalist than this and just put all of these sentences permanently out of your brain.

1) Are you sure you're not having twins?
        - Ultrasound equipment has progressed remarkably in the past several years, and I'm pretty sure the doctors know if there are one or two babies in there. I can guarantee you that every pregnant woman has heard this comment at least a dozen times, and it never gets funny...please just let it die.

2) Wow you must be due really really soon! 
        - there's nothing more annoying than having to clarify that you've got another 3 or 4+ months to go. Seriously, if you don't know the due date, don't make this comment. And for the love of God, don't follow it up with "wow you've got 4+ months to go?? That's going to be a huge baby." Because the person you're talking to might follow that up with a punch in your face.

3) Are you sure you should be eating that? 
         - Unless the mama-to-be is eating a plateful of raw seafood that you've spat in without her seeing, taking tequila shots, and smoking a cigarette, chances are she knows more about what she should or should not be eating than you. Also, you are not a doctor trained in obstetrics, so stop trying to act like one.

4) I had a friend that miscarried at 25 weeks/lost her baby during delivery/*insert traumatic story here*.
          - Every pregnant woman knows that not every baby conceived is going to come into the world perfectly healthy, and every pregnant woman knows miscarriage rates. And yes, we know labor is going to be difficult, we don't need to hear all about yours and everything that went terribly wrong. Nothing productive will come of this conversation, so please don't upset your pregnant friend by telling her horror stories. Seriously, what are you trying to accomplish?

5) Was this planned? Were you guys trying?
           - I think I already addressed this one in one of my first few posts but just in case it needs to be repeated, this is none of your business and there is no graceful way to answer this.

6) You'd better stock up on your sleep now! 
           - This one actually kind of makes me sad, because I wish sleep did work like that, haha. Believe me, if I could, I would be ALL over that. But, it doesn't, so don't suggest it because it's asinine and doesn't make sense.

7) Oh I KNEW you were having a boy/girl because your butt has gotten bigger/because you look really wide from the front/because your skin is broken out/*insert comment here*
            - If you wouldn't say it to a non-pregnant person, it's not suddenly magically acceptable to say it to a woman just because she's pregnant. Filter people, filter.

8) Wow those pregnancy hormones must be killer! 
            - I fully acknowledge that some women truly are hormonal and might overreact to a situation. But pregnant women in general get labeled as "hormonal" or "emotional" at the slightest sign of emotion, even if the other person is acting like a completely annoying jackass. So if you are being an annoying jackass, and then call the pregnant woman hormonal when she gets annoyed or mad at you, then just be prepared for the consequences.

9) Oh did you want that last cookie/piece of watermelon/glass of OJ/*insert food here*? I already ate it. Oops. 
           - At the risk of negating my argument for #8 above, if you say this to a pregnant woman who did in fact want that last item of food, particularly if she made a special effort in the first place to have said item of food stocked in the house, you'd better damn well have one foot in the car running back to the grocery store.

10) My parents didn't worry about eating this/drinking this/smoking this during their pregnancies and we all turned out just fine! 
          - This one kind of surprises me. What are you trying to say? That I should be drinking, smoking, and eating foods that doctors now know can be dangerous to my unborn child? This one isn't so much offensive as it is confusing...but regardless, don't treat a pregnant woman like she's a paranoid hypochondriac just because she's following her doctor's recommendations.

1 comment:

Auntie Ally said...

hahaha, I can't believe these things actually come out of people's mouths!