Saturday, June 30, 2012

So how are you.....really?

I've been getting that question a lot lately and before I write this post, yes, I know you all are sick of hearing about my uterus. Believe me, I am too!! But I really am touched at all the phone calls/emails I've been getting and it's been hard for me to get back in touch with everyone for a decent-length conversation so I figure this is as good a place as any to let y'all inside my head. And now we can spend our phone/face time discussing gossip and other fun things instead of my internal organs, haha. I'm tired of the focus being on me - I want to hear about you guys!!!

I am happy to report that, right now, things are feeling good. The bed rest got off to kind of a rocky start as we all settled into the routine, and I was convinced that we were all going to kill each other. But by the end of the week, we all seemed pretty happy and I was even able to send Steve off for a wakeboard day for his birthday (don't worry, my wonderful sister came to stay with me and Anna while he was gone!).

Having the date set for the c-section has helped me feel better too. So many things are up in the air right now that just having that date on the calendar gives me some comfort. I have at least one more appointment with all of my doctors, and Steve is going with me to those visits. Our only goal at this point is to make triple sure that all of the doctors are on the same page, and that we know what to do and what to expect (as much as can be predicted, I mean). It is a little odd to be both terrified of a specific day and also really excited for it, but that's exactly how I feel.

Knowing that we're in the final stretch is really helping. I think the last couple of weeks were the hardest for me - I was stressed about the B.H. contractions, I hated being so tired, I hated going to the doctors because it seemed like every time I went, there was some new thing that I needed to be worrying about. I have hated feeling like a ticking time bomb. I have hated SO much being so physically limited. I showed up to Anna's friend's birthday party in tears because I had been having the contractions the entire way over there, after a day of taking it easy (this was pre-bed rest). Luckily my friends talked me into staying (they parked me in a lounge chair, aimed an industrial-sized fan at me, and took Anna off to play) and we all had a good time, but it's been really really frustrating being so limited. Even sneaking in a few loads of laundry the other day had me contracting for almost an hour, so it was a good reminder to take the bed rest seriously and to let Steve take the reins. And as much as I feel guilty for saying it, I am relieved that they scheduled the c-section for 36 weeks instead of trying to push to 38. And now I am pushing all the worries to the back burner and relishing all of the baby kicks and enjoying the baby hiccups - they are way too cute! I am even planning to take some final belly pictures, on a day where I am wearing real clothes and makeup.

We have been grateful for the wonderful people around us - our neighbors have been dropping off dinners and even taking Anna for a play date to give us a breather (and you know she loves playing with the big kids). My sister has been happy to play never-ending games of Words with Friends and Draw Something, or to come over and even offers to go to the store - with a 2 week old!! The women in my play group have been wonderfully sympathetic and supportive, and the moms group coordinator is already working to line up some meals for us after I'm home from the hospital. Accepting help has been an adjustment - I'm usually the one signing up to take dinners and offering to help, so it feels a little weird to be the recipient but we have really been grateful for the help, and I am so thankful that we are surrounded by such loving and caring people.

Like I think I've mentioned before, Steve and I have come to peace with only having 2 kids, despite what we wanted before. I know this sounds silly but it gives me comfort to feel like WE made the choice to stick to two, versus letting my uterus/lack thereof decide for us. If all goes unexpectedly well at the c-section and we get the full clearance from the docs a few years down the line, then yes, we might consider a third, but as of right now we are embracing the two that we have and are grateful for them and aren't willing to push our luck. And most of all, no matter what happens, I refuse to dwell on what "could have been" and I refuse to be bitter about it. I have way too much to be grateful for and to celebrate. After next week, whatever happens, happens, and in my mind, it's over and we're moving forward.

I told Steve the other day that I wish we could just fast-forward to the fall. October would be nice, maybe. We have a lot to look forward to in the fall and winter - plenty of new babies being born, a few low-key out-of-town trips planned, and even a Disney trip near Christmas (and yes, I am already planning matching outfits for the girls!). I am excited to be mobile and active again. I love the fall and winter here and I'm looking forward to the cool weather, planting our fall garden, getting back to the park and the zoo, the leaves changing, and all of the holiday festivities with my beautiful family. Steve and I have been talking a lot about our fall/winter plans and it helps us get our mind off of the next couple of weeks and to give us something to look forward to!

So there you go, enough of my ramblings. I'm going to waddle off, drink a gallon of ice water, and tackle my stack of library books!

1 comment:

Kirby Lynn said...

Sarah, I'm so glad that you wrote this and are keeping us updated with the good and the bad. You have a great attitude and I'm glad that you've all adjusted to the bedrest. Love you guys!