Ladies (and gentlemen? Do I have any male readers? I don't even know), you all know that this has been a hard year for us. Although the pregnancy ended truly as well as it could have, and so much better than we expected, the stress was intense for both Steve and me. I feel like I've aged four years in the past four months. And although I don't normally mention stuff like this on the blog, we've been hit pretty unexpectedly with a bunch of drama essentially since coming home from the hospital. And, to be frank, it's left me feeling very emotionally exhausted. We have been feeling attacked and gossiped about and it's truly detracting from the joy we are feeling from having Maddie home and healthy, and the celebrations of having our happy family together. I have been overwhelmed with it the last few days especially, and I hate the fact that I can have two beautiful children snuggled up in my lap and all I can think about is a bunch of negativity.
I don't normally plan out blog posts in advance, I just find myself writing them in my head and once I get enough "written" and it seems like it will be at least somewhat coherent, I go ahead and publish them here. And when I found myself "writing" this post tonight while putting Anna to bed, I felt such a sense of relief and peace, and I knew it was something I needed to do. I am going to say goodbye to you all for a while - I just want to disconnect and cocoon our little family, and enjoy life and end the year on a good note. I need the mental and the emotional break, and I hate that you all are going to feel the ramifications of that, but I feel that this is something that I need to do.
The entire time I have had this blog, I have treated it as a personal journal. I plan to have it printed as a gift to my children, as a chronicle to how much they are loved and a document of our family's life and adventures. I don't plan to compromise the integrity of that end-goal so please don't be surprised if you see the blog go private at some point in the near future. I would like to continue doing the updates on the girls and my personal posts, and I feel like going private would help me feel like I'm still in my cocoon, whether that's a rational thought or not. If I do go private, it won't be permanent, and I promise that as soon as I feel like equilibrium and peace is restored in our little kingdom, I will bring the blog back just as public as it ever was.
I will also be disconnecting from Facebook for a while, so please pardon my "radio silence" and I hope to be back with everything soon.
Sending love to all of you!